Merger Mania - Do The AKC & HSUS Have The Urge To Merge?

Merger Mania - Do The AKC & HSUS Have The Urge To Merge?

You know what they say - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. In the business world - we say if you can't beat them, buy them. 

So - I'm thinking that the Humane Society of the United States and the American Kennel Club might want to merge.

Shocking!  Unthinkable?  Hardly.

Forget the nonprofit status for the moment, and indulge my midnite musings.  After all - it happens all the time.  Look at the wireless/cell phone market or the pharmacuetical market.

Now before you all start howling that the shelter world and the purebred dog fancy are worlds apart - think about this..........

If HSUS is always trying to make laws that "protect pets" (hahahahaha)  ...........and the AKC is always trying to gain exemptions to such laws, wouldn't it just make more sense if they were just in it together?

The Killer App

That way, they'd save everyone the time and trouble, and all the pet breeders would be regulated by the AKC/HSUS anyway.  We then re-brand the breeders and "kind breeders".

We can just skip over all that pesky legal wrangling and get right down to business - making money.  Time is money - and the more time the HSUS and the AKC waste beating around the bush - well, let's just say revenue is being lost.

Soooo - if the AKC and HSUS were to merge, wouldn't that be a deal that would pretty much give control over the supply of pets in AmeriKa to just one entity?

Wow- that would be a like one killer app, huh?

Then we could all give up our rights to own dogs - especially pitbulls - except if we agree to be chipped and tracked in the new UDSA mega pet database (the management of which would be outsourced to the HSUS/AKC of course).

The Guardianship Lease

So I've developed a strategic business model for the HSUS & AKC - one that produces even more revenue - and will keep everybody happy.  It's based on the automotive market's leasing model.

I call it the Guardianship Lease.  Here's how it could work:

• First - we merge the AKC into the HSUS - a move that will allow our new entity to control the supply of virtually all pets in America
• The AKC/HSUS will control the pipeline of pets  - rolling them into two sales channels - by controlling the majority of all shelters - AND now controlling & regulating all breeders, too
• The AKC/HSUS  will quickly move to eliminate the remaining competion from other "lesser" registries and independent shelters
• The AKC/HSUS  will leverge the existing shelter network as the pet sales distribution network and pet showrooms
• Next - The AKC/HSUS will eliminate objections from the public (not to mention constitutional issues) by passing guardianship legislation, so that animals will no longer be defined as property
• Once animals are no longer be defined as property - that pesky property rights issue is out of the way..........
• The AKC/HSUS will pitch the federal goverment (and make strategic campaign donations to the right members of Congress) that our new NGO will provide oversight on all pets and animals in the US, Canada and Mexico (easily accomplished since we have so many friends in the USDA and that NAFTA works to our advantage)
• Then -  The AKC/HSUS will allow people "keep" pets on guardianship contracts
• Guardianship contracts are leases:  The AKC/HSUS will charge an initial down payment and a monthly maintainence fee for any cat, dog, reptile, etc.
• The AKC/HSUS will get the buy-in from the pharma companies and the AVMA  so the Guardianship Lease will include shots and annual checkups
• The AKC/HSUS will get the buy -in from the insurance industry and require minimum insurance thresholds (oh- and anyone that doesn't get an animal through us doesn't get insurance)
• All animals from the AKC/HSUS will will come pre-chipped and pre-sterilized
• Since all animals will be chipped,  The AKC/HSUS will an track virtually all data on pets and pet owners, and share that data on pet owners with all of our strategic partners:
  • the AVMA
  • Big Pharma
  • The Insurance Industry
  • P & G
  • USDA
  • Digital Angel & The Microchip Industry
  • Ooooops - and Homeland Security

The Guardianship Lease - it's one of my best ideas yet. 

Oh- and when it's time, people can turn in their used dog or used cat for a kind euthanasia - or even upgrade to a purebred dog, but only if they pass the credit and background checks - oh, and the urine test.

But wait - before we roll this out - we'll need a new name for it.  Something palatable for the average pet owner - something that has the word "kind" or "kindness" - or even 'Humane" in it - that always sells.

Oooo - ooooh - how's this.... "The Good Guardian Adoption" - or even "The Kindness Contract" from The AKC/HSUS Network.

Whaddya think? Betcha Wayne and Ron are gonna love it.  But will you?

Comments

[redneckhunter]

What a bunch of b.s.
Bob Cain is nothing but a propoganda machine based on his own opinions and no facts.

[Robin]

Errr, William? HSUS talks out of both sides of their mouth. Whatever gets them what they want how they want it. I've never heard of Pacelle putting down ALF, but I darn sure know Pacelle put up ALF's JP Goodwin to be Virginia's HSUS legislative annoyance. Goodwin now serves as the HSUS "Deputy Manager of Animal Fighting Issues," going around to train our nation's Animal Control officers how to frame...errr... catch those dread "gang member" types and illegal immigrants who happen to own pitbulls or chickens.

[Katrina]

This scenario is so realistic, its scary. Nightmares tonight, I see.

[APRI]

The “guardianship” idea is interesting and could be easily contracted. In fact, I did such a contract in the 1980’s when we were breeders and wholesale distributors at the time Florida passed a restrictive law mandating that pet shops pay all veterinarian bills. This made an impossible situation for most retailers, and may quit buying from us.

We intended to “lease” the dogs to the customer with provisions for veterinarian care, exchange, and new pets when the old ones died.

We never got it off the ground because retailers found ways to continue to operate.

Others are right on this forum, however, because HSUS is not a shelter or a rescue organization. They simply collect the money, pay their huge salaries, estates, etc., and use the balance to raise more money. Talk to others who have seen them at disaster scenes such as hurricane Andrew and Katrina; they show up, collect thousands of dollars, then mysterisouly disappear along with the money.

Don’t be fooled. They are very little less hostile to pet owners and our industry than PeTA. However, money talks, and they might talk their way into it, again, as long as millions are involved. That would provide many more Swiss bank accounts and beach estates.

[Caveat]

Money talks. HSUS has a lot of it; well, what's left over from their advertising, legal, travel, etc budget. Good thing they don't actually help animals directly, because that costs a bundle.

The AKC knows that money talks, too. That's why milled pups are AKC registered, isn't it? I mean, come on, when somebody is putting through tens and even hundreds of registrations a year, shouldn't that be some kind of red flag? And now Hunte is a member of the GSD club?

As the old saying goes 'the love of money is the root of all evil'. Too true.

As for Facile putting down ALF, you wouldn't expect him to endorse them publicly, would you? He probably badmouths his batty spinster aunts at peta too. Are there good people still left in HSUS? Undoubtedly. Do they have clout? Probably not.

Don't be fooled by slickers - AR has an agenda that not only makes no sense but also threatens your future right to own a pet. They are trying to undo an association that goes back millennia because they really believe that dogs should be 'free'. Free to starve, die of disease, be killed by trogs, the whole shebang. Ask the dogs how they feel about that.

I've already asked mine.

[Beth]

this is funny, but wrong. Love em or hate em, the AKC has 100% OPPOSED any and all legislation regarding breed bans, pet limits, manditory spay/neuter, "guardianship," etc. In fact, they have a whole dept dedicated to that stuff.

[William]

Beverly is wrong. HSUS has never supported "terrorism". To the contrary, I've seen Wayne Pacelle put down the ALF in no uncertain terms. I think it is silly that some people can't debate these issues without getting into mudslinging and calling everyone they disagree with "terrorists".

[Beverly]

One thing though: HSUS has never been, and never will be, about shelters (or about humane, for that matter, considering the animal rights/terrorist activities funded by HSUS). HSUS always was in bed with PeTA (you know, people for the euthanizing of otherwise adoptable animals). If the AKC wants to commit suicide, it'll merge. To go along with your merger analogy, who hears about SmithKline French today?